Micro-cheating relationship betrayal or polyamory

Nearly all dramas are filled with secret lies and betrayals. They sell books and make movies popular. An Australian psychologist coined a term micro-cheating as any relationship that may be mildly flirtatious or even as sending a romantic emoji or gif to someone online.

Melanie Schilling, an Australian psychologist, claims this type of behavior isn’t as innocent as you may think. It might be akin to emotional betrayal. The term “micro-cheating” is supposed to serve as an umbrella term for all of the little ways both emotionally and/or physically that you can be unfaithful to your partner.

As a psychologist, Schilling also considers herself a dating expert. In her perspective and view micro-cheating is defined as a series of small actions and/or thoughts that indicate a person’s interest or focus outside their prime relationship.

If micro-cheating made it to the Diagnostic Statistic Manual or some social or legal venue, micro-cheating has a list of symptoms:

1. Lying about your relationship status to attractive-looking strangers.

2. ‘Liking’ Instagram photos of attractive people way too often.

3. Casually flirting with colleagues at work.

4. Never refusing anyone who offers to buy you a drink.

5. Keeping regular touch with exes and frequently meeting them for drinks.

6. Making jokes about dating/hooking-up with someone.

In a “me too” era where dozens of influential people lose jobs and status from allegations of forms of negative behavior in work or off-work relationships. These allegations depict a variety of behaviors.

Yet, the media is filled with stories about twisted relationships, affairs, and betrayals. In literature, it goes back a few hundred years. Thousands of years if you include the pld testament of the Bible. That “You shall not commit adultery” managed to make it into the 10 commandments sends hints that relationship cheating and betrayals might have been pervasive problems.

In contrast, there are those that favor polyamory. Polyamory is a philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time. In a polyamorous relationship each partner kind of knows that one or the other may have other partners with no prime commitments. All partners do this consensually so betrayal is not an issue.

The difficulties that discussing an anecdotal term like micro-cheating is that casual or friendships or acquaintances are now questionable. Maintaining close relationships is often difficult. The courts, jails, and psychotherapy couches are active and filled with effects of disaffection within a relationship.

Spread by the media, and with open-access to social media, micro-cheating is entering jargon and thoughts of a young generation trying to establish roots. It is yet another delicate tight-string to provoke thoughts of cheating and betrayal in otherwise stable, loving relationships.

It is sad that romantic and pure love is meeting needless tensions. As sexuality types of all situations are finding voice and equality, adding micro-cheating as a pseudo-psychology term is just another waste of time and emotion.

I can only think of a Tina Turner lyric:
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
What’s love but a second hand emotion
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

And the introduction of micro-cheating may make heart breaks easier. Is micro-cheating okay? Will it just be a passing fad?

Stealthing is new dangerous friendly sex trend

Stealth is often admirable. Patti Smith once was quoted as In art and dream may you proceed with abandon. In life may you proceed with balance and stealth. A new behavioral trend called Stealthing redefines and corrupts the more common meaning of stealth.

The design and use of condoms originated around 13,000 years ago. Over the last two centuries, the condom use during sex has helped control sexually transmitted diseases (STD) and reduced unwanted pregnancies. A new trend emerges from a generation after the dark decade of AIDS is something called stealthing, when a man secretly removes a condom in the middle of sex. This trend seems to cover both straight and gay sexual relationships. It is a new form of rape as a non-consensual act might integrate into a consensual act in a relationship.

Does stealthing involve loving or close sexual relationships? Not at all. The term “stealthing” has the obvious benefit of rolling off the tongue faster than “non-consensual” removal of a condom during a sex act. This act can allow transmission of an STD or lead to an unwanted pregnancy. Non-consensual sex is equivalent to “No” and should be defined as rape. But, in the USA, this emerging trend among teens and young adults is very difficult to prosecute. In Florida, Tampa Defense Attorney Hunter Chamberlain indicated that prosecuting for stealthing in the U.S. is difficult. Among litigating legality is that there are very few stealthing cases brought to court.

Courts are just beginning to view Rape cases as being non-consensual. Is stealthing rape? In our puritan perspective, if both partners consent to perform a sex act together, it is no longer viewed as rape. Stealthing is more defined as a secretive part of the sex act NOT SHARED WITH OTHER PARTNER. It might be viewed as an assault – after the fact. Better protection under the law is required to legally prosecute those who practice stealthing.

Stealthing isn’t merely a woman’s dilemma. It appears as a trend among gay men. While there are no risk of unwanted pregnancies, young gay men may not recall the serious AIDS epidemic that infectiously killed several hundred thousands gay men in the 1980’s or 1990’s. AIDS proved to be far more deadly to the gay community than standard sexually transmitted diseases (STD).

Removing the condom during sex, stealthing increases the risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Affected sexual partners are turned into victims and may experience emotional and psychological distress, especially those who have experienced sexual violence in the past.

Stealthing as a rising trend is gross irresponsibility gone wild. So before you give your consent for a sexual tryst, consider stealthing and the trust you have with your consensual partner.

In global environments where polyamory and LGBTQ coexist, consent and trust must be mutual. Otherwise I’d suggest restraining the male using the condom during sex. Though somewhat kinky, it poses fewer dangers than the possibilities of what stealthing delivers. Like rape, stealthing should be a punishable offense.

Stealthing is an unfriendly practice among lovers and friends.